Traits for Good Parenting
How Can I Become a Good Parent
Your child is born and you are finally a parent! You give him everything and do the best you can, but raising a child is not innate. So, how to be a good parent at every stage of your child’s life?
Here are some basic principles for “good” parenting which can be helpful to you:
Setting up Rules
Even if they do not always like, the child needs limits. The rules must be clear but above all constant. The routines reassure the child, so he can anticipate the next events and are calm. According to experts, children who have no limit to respect feel anxious and lost because they simply enjoy too much freedom.
It is sometimes frustrating to see our little one grow up. He who, a few months ago, needed us to accomplish a task, here he is sure of his actions. It is an art of letting go and let them experiment without transmitting to them the need to be indispensable for them or our own fears.
Our children are like pretty butterflies. They need to test, to experiment, to live. They must confront life to understand the meaning and especially to become strong.
One day yes, one day no – Dad says yes, mom says no. Here is the ideal recipe for losing a child. It’s not about having no flexibility in everyday life, because your child also needs to learn flexibility. But the base should always be the same and the rules, make sense to him.
A study by Harvard University shows that humiliating, contemptuous, hurtful words have harmful repercussions on children’s brains and alter the functioning of neural circuits and areas involved in language comprehension.
The more the child is educated with fear, the more stress he feels. In order to achieve a desired behavior in your child, it will be much more effective to make him want, rather than submit.
Your child needs to understand the reasons for your decisions about him. This invites a lot of questioning on our part because it highlights some of our contradictions.
A small child cannot understand the meaning of the rules you impose on him. He will therefore tend to live with great difficulty or even to transgress. If, on the contrary, they make sense to him, it will make them much easier.
To respect one’s child, that is to say to consider him as an individual in his own right and to listen to his needs, will encourage his respect for himself and for others. Many parents perceive the child as a mini-adult and do not consider their true worth, their emotions and experiences.
Show the Example
It is by watching you that your child learns the most. This is called the imitation phenomenon. From an early age, you can see them borrow expressions or certain gestures. Sometimes, there is even a flattering side. We know it well, in the apprenticeship of the politeness for example, the more our language is rude, the more the language of our child will be strewed of big words.
Scientists prove it, every time you put a child to sleep, he secretes Oxytocin. It is the hormone that comes into play when it comes to feeling love or empathy. More generally, it plays a role in all human relationships and will have a calming effect. It increases the feeling of trust and attachment.
The condition also contributes to the maturity of children’s neural circuits. Some parents may be afraid to give too much attention, like too much hugging. But it is the lack of affection that creates a sense of dependence in adulthood. This is called emotional dependence and leads to a perpetual quest for love. It only exists in people who feel they have not been loved enough.
To be reassured and consoled is a vital need of the child. His immature brain has not yet learned how to handle emotions. It is essential to show them our presence and affection in the event of an emotional storm.
Be there without a phone or TV in the background. 54% of children think their parents spend too much time on their phones. The child needs to be heard, it is even vital for his evolution. He must develop the feeling that he is important. In normative thought, we imagine that children must listen to parents when in reality, it is quite the opposite!
Take the time to listen to your child’s needs and watch them perform their feats! Your attention will feed a good self-esteem. The more attention you pay to your child’s behavior the more likely it is to reproduce. So be fully involved when he shows you his progress in reading or help him tidy his room by valuing his organization.
Even good parents sometimes make bad decisions. Love may not be stronger than anything but it is stronger than many things! Having good attentions, a good method of instruction and recognizing one’s educational mistakes is already a half-victory.